One of the good books, "Dying of Embarrassment" distills social anxiety down to Fear of Disapproval. ("The Worry Cure" further distinguishes SA as worry of being evaluated by others, humiliation, and rejection.) Your worry about disapproval might get you to ask:
"Why is there this oppressive fear of disapproval?"
Two interpretations of that question are handled in "Dying of Embarrassment":
A. (Historically): what originally caused your social anxiety disorder?
B. (Currently): what is stopping it from going away right now?
Neither of these questions have final answers yet, but researchers have some good ideas. There are common characteristics people with SA are more likely to have and the best answer science has found so far, is the more of these characterisitcs a person fits, the more likely that person will have developed a social anxiety disorder or the SAD will still be hanging on.
It is interesting and helpful to read the information on historical causes in the book because they might help you see social anxiety disorder as something that happened to you, that you didn't really do to yourself (which is certainly more the fact than not the fact). But this page will focus on the book's answer to the second question - that is, what your mind does that maintains SA. The question this page is dedicated to, is then:
"Once social phobias start, why do they continue?"
According to the book, how you, 1. interpret the social situations you fear, and 2. cope with those situation, are the largest determinants of whether your social phobia goes away, stays at a manageable level, or worsens with time.
1. Misperceptions of Threat
People with social phobias tend to perceive social situations differently than others do. There are several misperceptions they make, but these typically come in just two forms:
Distortions of Probability
This is when your mind exaggerates the likelihood of something bad happening. With SA, that something bad is disapproval.
Distortions of Severity
This is when your mind exaggerates how severe the consequences would be if something bad does indeed happen.
2. Maladaptive Coping
Maladaptive coping involves finding ways to "deal" with your social anxiety without solving the problem. It brings temporary relief but can quickly become part of the problem, and in the long run feed your anxiety and keep you fear of disapproval alive. The three mentioned in the book are:
Avoiding Social Situations
One of the most common ways to deal with anxiety, it's temporary benefit is obvious, and you know it first hand, but as a habit, its long term side-effects are it makes your life more restricted, and doesn't allow you to test your beliefs and discover whether you are exaggerating the probability or severity of experiencing disapproval. This is particularly insidious because you chip away at your self-confidence, so your anxiety increases, so you avoid even more, and this continues until you've completely removed the situation from your life.
Worry
There is a difference between reasonable worry and unreasonable worry. Dwelling obsessively on a future danger that may or may not occur, is hard to turn off and detracts from your ability to find solutions or effectively deal with your anxiety. Your anxiety gets prolonged and makes you more likely to feel anxious once the situation you fear comes up.
Self-Preoccupation
A common characteristic of SA is to focus your concern on whether your behavior is being observed, on how well you are doing, and on what you believe others might be thinking of you. This increases your level of anxiety and distracts your attention from the task so that it's more likely you'll make a mistake, and then get more nervous in the future.
